Scottish Play and My Current Situation

We were all set for the "Scottish Play". Yeah, I was the third witch. I was told that the Scottish Play being Shakespeare might not be something I would be able to pronounce and I gladly agreed since the "goeth, poet, thy, thee" were never my cup of tea!

As we rehearsed, I had few lines and it was easy for me to memorize them. Well, I had one line that was supposed to be powerful "And that shalt be king hereafter"

Well, as we rehearsed, my director, cast would say "You are just not there. What is wrong with you. Where is the power? Why have you calmed down? We need that inner strength that we have seen before"

While I tried, I just couldn't find that inner power. The fire was missing - Having been in the US for almost 2 years, I had figured that letting go and just flowing with whatever happens without being demanding was the best way to be.. or so I thought.

The day before the final performance, we were rehearsing and Macbeth was annoyed... he said "We all may say it right, but she is going to let us all down." The others acknowledged and were rehearsing harder. I had decided to turn myself off and decided that more than the play, it was fun to play with this 10 year old. The cast just gave me "the look."

It was time for the show. The first scene was done. It was now time for the witches to curse/bless the king... The first witch blessed them and passed the sword to the second one and then it was my turn. As soon as I got the sword, I said my line. I saw Macbeth fall and the other two witches astounded. We had completed the scene and backstage... they all go "What got into you!!! Where did all that power come from? How did that transformation happen?" Our director/teacher came up to me to say "I don't know what to say. That roar... it seemed almost like a lioness has decided to come out of her den" One person from the audience walked up to me to say "What a voice you have!" Macbeth said "I was really scared you know. You were just awesome!!"

So what was it, I know not - Was it the sword, was it their ridicule? I now need to find that same power back at work. I can't be subdued and be the cribber. I need to carve my path, with or without the sword and the ridicule.